Eds in Space!
by Captain Ed
Summary: The Eds are met by three mysterious figures that give them a trip of a lifetime, through space! However, things aren't as what they seem... Will they figure out what is going on? Rated M for Profanity, gore, death, etc. Now updated after 2 years.
1. Visitors from Outer Ed

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, not the Eds, the characters, the show, or any other show that the characters mention in the story... I'm a poor college student who wrote this story ages ago, okay?**_

_**Author's Note: **__A little note before the story starts-- I wrote this story over 5 years ago and never bothered to publish it, mostly because I thought it wouldn't stand up to other fanfics... but when I came across this recently, I decided it was actually good enough to publish and someone would actually enjoy reading it._

_I however, have rewritten a handful of the chapters, mainly the second one, changed what Edd typed in this chapter... and I think I will have rewrite most of the ones near the end just to have the story make more sense... plus I had to add in more dialogue of Ed, originally, he never talked at all in the beginning of the story after this chapter!_

_On a side note, this is Rated M for Profanity, blood, gore, and a scene in the story that will more than likely be removed. No slash though. There's enough of those stories on this site, go read one of those if you want to see guys making out with each other._

**Eds In Space! Chapter 1:**

In a suburban neighborhood in the outskirts of a small town, there was an eerie quietness. Not a single light was on in any of the houses but one. Of course it was in the middle of the night, but however a light was on in the house of young individual, wearing black ski cap, to cover what, only his close friends knew.... and they wouldn't tell, now would they?

Inside, a boy known by his friends as Edd, or Double-D sat in front of his laptop in his bed, typing something out on the screen, and talking to his self.

...

_"Our popularity after meeting Eddy's brother did not last too long. It was fun while it lasted, but yet again, the kids hate us. We aren't scamming anymore, we just aren't liked because we are...different. We don't like the same stuff as everyone else does, we don't act the same, sure we are different from each other as friends, but why, just why, are we bonded together as friends?"_

Double-D sat there and sighed... and then began to speak again.

_"Nazz, why... why do I love you? Why is it that you hate me? Is it because of Kevin, or is it because... I'm a geek?"_

Double-D sat there, then got up and walked into the bathroom. He removed the cap on his head and stood in front of the mirror.

_"I wish I didn't have to wear this, I wish my hair was normal... Like everyone elses."_

He walked back into his room, sans hat, and sat in the bed. He closed the blinds so nobody could see his head.

_"That hat is making my hair itch, I think it's fine if I didn't wear it for tonight in bed. I'll finish my journal and go to sleep."_

He placed it on the bedpost on his bed, next to the label that said 'Sack'.

_"Something tells me now... That maybe, just maybe, the three of us are meant to do something. Change the world maybe? Absolutely not. Us changing the world is doubtful. Nobody takes any of us seriously... I assume being different from the rest is what we are meant to do.. We are not meant to fit in for a reason...."_

Double-D closed his laptop, slid it under his bed so nobody could see that he had one, and went to sleep. He began to dream...

_It was a nightmare._

###

_Double-D heard his cell phone go off. His parents got him one recently because they were on sale and they needed ones for work. He was in the kitchen in his pajamas eating a grapefruit, no hat included._

_He answered it._

_"Double-D's Phone. Double-D speaking."_

_"Hey, Double-D, can you come over to my... OH PLEASE DON'T HURT ME PLEASE!!!"_

_Those screams were from Eddy._

_Double D sat there on the phone, Eddy's voice disappeared into the background._

_"Oh dear. This is not good."_

_Another voice could be heard in the background._

_"Are you ready to pay for your crimes?"_

_Edd sat there. _

_"It sounds like Kevin. Why is he at Eddy's house, and what crime is he talking about?"_

_To be on the safe side, Edd hung up the phone and got dressed. He almost walked out of the room forgetting his hat sitting there on the bed post, but ran back to get it and put it on. _

_"I guess I should investigate and figure out what's going on..."_

_Edd ran out the door of his house towards Eddy's._

_###_

_Edd walked up to Eddy's house, he noticed the door was bashed open. As he walked in, he noticed what looked like bullet holes on the walls, but when he looked at them with his magnifying glass, they were burn marks. As he walked through the house, he noticed someone painted the word "DORKS" on the wall of the hallway with spray paint. As he walked towards Eddy's room. He saw blood. It was his friend._

_"HOLY SHIT!"_

###

Double-D woke up literally flying out of his bed yelling "HOLY SHIT". Then paused.

"....Oh my. It was a dream."

As he stood there, he immediately saw his two friends standing right there.

"Hi Sockhead. I didn't know you swore."

Edd sighed.

"I don't swear."

"Yeah, whatever. So... I guess you had a nightmare."

"Yeah, I've had the same one and a different one for weeks."

"Oh and do you know you slept in?"

Double D was shocked.

"Slept in? Eddy, I never sleep in."

"Yeah, but you did.. Where's your hat anyways?"

Edd felt his head and just felt hair. He turned around to see that his hat was sitting on the bedpost of his bed. He put it on.

"Double-D, what happened to your head though, why do you always wear that hat?"

Double D stood there. "I prefer if I didn't talk about it, and I really do not remember at all what happened to my head."

"What?"

"Yeah, now can we go?"

"Sure, Coming lumpy?"

Ed was adsorbed into a new Evil Tim comic book.

"Sure am Eddy!"

####

As the Eds walked down the street, they passed a burning house, but did not even pay any attention to it because they were busy talking to each other. They really didn't care what was going on anyways anymore because they were pretty much rejected by everyone and they gave up bothering talking to people.

The Eds kept to themselves more than usual lately. Very rarely did they interact with the kids in the cul-de-sac anymore, with the exception of Nazz saying hi to them. Jonny sometimes said hi, but Plank forbid him from speaking to them. Ed lately began to claim that the block of wood was a demon.

As they were approaching the junkyard, they then noticed a plume of smoke coming from the neighborhood. They ran back into the cul-de-sac to realize, it was Kevin's house that was on fire. Something could be seen flying away at a very high rate of speed into the sky, and a voice coming from it yelled:

"Who's the dork now, motherfucker?"

Eddy turned to Double-D.

"That voice sounded like mine!"

A firetruck arrived at the house and began to fight the fire. Kevin was there in front of his house, Nazz standing some few feet behind. As he noticed he was back there, he ran to her and tried to hug him.

She apparently didn't like that.

A karate chop later, and he was face first into the ground. Nazz looked at the Eds and began to walk to them.

"Hi guys, whats up?"

All three blushed, and she giggled. She started walking away, when someone called her.

"Hey Nazz, do you want to go to the candy store with us?"

Nazz replied. "Um I guess. "

She walked off, but the Eds didn't turn around to see who it was she was asked by. They knew it was Sarah.

###

As they finally got back to the junkyard, they heard a strange humming sound. They ignored it thinking it was one of those car smasher things they constantly see. A loud boom was also heard, but they didn't pay attention. They were busy discussing what they saw today.

"Double-D, That voice... It sounded like me! But how the hell would I be able to burn a house down and fly away?"

"I have no clue Eddy, It had to of been an airplane or a freak moment of nature.."

Then Ed chirped in finally after finishing his comic.

"Or, It was a space ship from the planet Suluban, trying to stop Kevin's plans of destruction in the Temporal Cold War!"

Eddy began to laugh his signature laugh.

"Ed, have you been watching Star Trek Enterprise lately?"

Then Double D snickered.

"What?!" Said Eddy.

"Why, Eddy... I did not know you were...a trekkie!" Edd laughed.

"What, it's good tv, and plus you and Ed rubbed off on me with your strange tv habits. I watched a documentary on hackers last night on the Discovery Channel too."

"Oh! Do you remember the guy who did the wardriving with the security company? I have seemed to have forgot what his name was except for the fact that he also hosts a radio show online..."

Ed interrupted again.

"Guys, do you think, how awesome it would be if we were space outlaws? We could run cargo and do undercover missions for aliens."

Eddy yelled at Ed.

"Yeah, we would have better luck being abducted by aliens than doing that!"

"Ed," Edd muttered. "The human race will not be that way in space... if it is even possible that way, for at least another 100 years. And I doubt there are...are...are.."

Double D began to sputter. Eddy turned and looked at him.

"What's wrong with you, Sockhead? Is Ed's dream a reality or something?"

"Look!"

The three Eds had unknowingly walked up to a space craft.

It looked somewhat like the space shuttles, silver in color, And was the length of two school buses and was wide as three school buses.

..... And a hatch on the thing opened.


	2. A shock to Ed

The hatch on the ship opened.

"Oh shit. Me and my big ass mouth." said Eddy. "Um... Shouldn't we run?"

The sockhead stuttered a reply.

"Iiiiii tttthhhiiinnnkkk thaaaat issss aaa goooood iideeaa Edddyy..."

Ed just stared at the ship.

"Way cool! It looks like the ship that contains a race called Greys."

"I don't think it is a good idea to stick around and wait. Um Ed, that's the ship from the movie brain sucking aliens! They will suck your brain out again Ed!"

"Oh no! Not again! Run away!"

Eddy and Ed ran away... But Double-D just stood there frozen.

As the hatch opened all the way, three figures appeared. The last thing Ed and Eddy saw was Edd taking off his hat to them.

After seeing that, a bright light flashed before their eyes...

###

Ed woke up in his bedroom. As he woke up, he could see a faint outline of a tall blonde haired skinny woman sitting beside him on his bed. He recognized then it was his mom.

"Oh Edward! You're finally awake!"

Ed sat up in his bed, looking confused.

"Um, mom how'd I get here?" he asked.

"Sarah and Nazz found you, Eddy and Eddward somewhat buried under a pile of junk in the junkyard. You three were missing for three days."

"Three days?"

"Yes, Edward. We were worried sick. Now come up stairs. You need to eat."

As Ed was walking up the stairs, he began to wonder what just happened. The last thing he remembered was standing in front of a space ship, then waking up in his bed.

"_Was it all a dream?"_ He wondered.

Something was different with Ed, he was thinking deeper and more logically than his usual self. And as he sat down to eat, His mom began to notice him thinking deeply to yourself.

"_Maybe it's not a good idea to talk about what I saw. Nobody would believe me because they all think I'm stupid."_

Ed's mom looked at him.

"You don't remember anything on what happened to you guys last week?"

"Last week?!"

"Yes dear. You have been asleep for 4 days."

"Mom, I think we were abducted by aliens."

"That's nonsense. Now that you're feeling better, go off to see if your friends are doing alright. I know Eddward was the first one up, so try him first..."

###

Meanwhile at Eddy's...

Eddy climbed out of his bed.

"How the fuck did I end up here??"

He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"Hmmph, another weird dream again I guess... What's on tv then?"

As the tv turns on, it shows the news, which was a week ahead of where it last was.

"HOLY SHIT! I've been asleep for a week!"

Eddy runs out the door to Ed's house.

As he reaches his house, Ed comes running out and straight toward Eddy's house.

"Hey where the hell are you going? I'm right here!"

Eddy goes running after Ed.

###

Edd is sitting on the couch in the living room at his house..

Sarah and Nazz were sitting with Double-D. He seemed fully aware of what had happened to him and his three friends, but they could tell he was lying.

"For the last time, I said that Ed and Eddy were throwing things at each other and Ed threw a car at him, causing an avalanche burying us."

"I don't believe you! Tell us the truth!"

If anyone could recognize the yelling, it was Sarah.

"...But I told you two everything,and why are you concerned with us?"

Nazz looked Edd in the eyes.

"We weren't concerned with them. Only you."

Edd stuttered.

"Now tell us what happened to you or ill pull that hat off your head and take pictures for everyone."

"Like you know what's under here."

"But I do...boyfriend"

"Boyfriend?"

"I hid under your hat once Double-D. Why do you hide that."

"Erm. Um. I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh really, eh? Then talk now!"

And with that Sarah slapped Edd's hands away from him holding his hat down and ripped his hat off.

Nazz looked at Double-D shocked.

"Dude! What happened to your head!"

As a prize I guess you could say, Sarah smiled and put Double-D's hat on her head. She then began to study a particular spot on his head.

_Author's note: yes, it's another person's view on what is under Double-D's hat. Who cares?_

As Sarah looked at this certain patch, she noticed something. It looked red and irritated.

"Well I don't remember that being red when I hid under there...." she said that with a somewhat innocent tone.

Now both of the girls stared at Double-D. Being a shy person as he is, he finally buckled.

"OK okay! We were abducted by aliens! Are you too happy?!"

"Aliens?!" both of the girls said dumbfoundedly.

"Yes aliens!" Double-D stood up and looked in a mirror and looked at himself.

Without his hat, he had perfectly nice black hair, with one exception. There were several bald patches all over his head and all of them looked red and irritated.

"Do not tell Eddy or Ed, as they will know eventually, but when I was six. One night when I was sleeping, I was abducted by aliens. They did experiments on my brain, which I think is why I have a superhuman IQ level. When we were running from everyone the other day...they returned. They gave the three of us an offer we couldn't refuse. Ed's dream... Of being a space outlaw. They offered that to us for some reason, I don't know exactly why, but they decided to wipe Ed and Eddy's brains of the event and told me to eventually get them to decide again. Now, not a word to this, from either of you, or something will happen to you guys...."

Sarah and Nazz just stood there.

"You can keep the hat Sarah. Because I don't plan on coming back. Neither does Ed and Eddy. Nobody would really miss us. Not after all the stuff we did... But was it really necessary to beat us up every day? Seriously, you guys turned Eddy into a secret emo."

"Um we did..?"

A knock was heard on the door. Scratch that, a loud bang like a fist.

"Dork! Open up! I got a prize for you three wrecking my house!"

"Oh dear! Kevin is at the door."

Edd ran for his room upstairs, obviously getting another hat.

The bang could be heard again.

Open up dork!

Nazz and Sarah got up and walked for the door.

Sarah opened it.

"You dorks are going to pay for torching my..... What the fuck are you doing here Dorkette, and Nazz!? Why are you hanging out with a low life like Dorkk?"

Sarah got pissed off.

"What did you call me?"

"Dorkette, because you're wearing the dorks hat!"

"How about I kick your a..."

Nazz interrupted Sarah.

"Kevin, dude, you should be so ashamed. Didn't they figure out it was your bathroom vent that caused the fire?"

"Yeah, but Dorky's comment."

"Well you deserved it for all the crap we put them through!"

Kevin mumbled to him self as quietly as he could.

"Why the fuck is Nazz trying to stand up to them?"

"I heard that! You aren't my friend anymore Kevin! Fuck off!"

And Nazz slammed the door in Kevin's face, giving him a black eye.

Double-D walked up behind them.. Now wearing a black hat with blue stripes instead of white.

"Um... Wow.. I'm speechless.."

Nazz and Sarah looked at Double-D.

"We have to tell you something."

"What iss it?"

"We love you guys."

Sarah looked at Double-D.

"Actually I love you and Nazz loves Eddy, but she also has a thing for you too. I want to know... Would you three take us with you?"

"I am not sure that's possible."

"Why not?"

"The ship, its size..."

"Oh come on...you guys have to have company... And were better than those Kankers..."

"True.."

"Then its set!"

And with that, both Nazz and Sarah kissed Edd and walked out the door...

"I got to get Eddy and Ed ready now quicker. Curse my weakness towards women."

Edd ran out the door to Eddy's house, hoping both Ed and Eddy would be there.

###

Yeah, so we now know that Nazz and Sarah have a thing for the Eds, but we already knew that about Sarah, now didn't we? Well they will have something to do with the plot, but not for another few chapters. Hope I didn't spoil it for you. Trust me though, I hate character development, but I had to do these first few chapters before I could do the story because of the people the Ed's meet on their adventures.

I also apologize for some of the typos in my "rewrite." With the exception of Ed and Eddy waking up after the accident... the rest I rewrote on my phone of all things at the last minute.

Anyways, onwards to chapter 3!


	3. What the Ed!

_**Disclaimer crap: I don't own anything, okay?**_

##########

Edd ran into Eddy's back yard and knocked on his door.

No answer.

So he then ran to the front door and knocked on it.

Eddy finally answered the door.

"Hello Eddy, I guess you finally woke up."

"Okay 'Mister Genius', can you explain why I was asleep for a whole goddamn week?!"

"Why yes Eddy, let me come in..."

So they sat down on the furniture in Eddy's room.

"So, how was jug-head's house burned down?"

"Electrical fire...but about why you don't remember almost a week... We were abducted by..."

"Aliens!" Ed said walking in from the kitchen with a bag of chips. "They want us to be space merchants!"

"So that wasn't a dream... It was real...hah."

"Yes Eddy it was real. We have to hurry up and pack now because they will be back in 2 days. We also have a problem..."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Sarah and Nazz know."

"Fuck! Can we leave now?"

"I guess we can."

"Then what are we waiting for?! Lets get packing!"

A harsh bang could be heard on the door.

"Hey dorks! Open this door up! Its pounding time!"

"Why the fuck is Kevin at my door?! Go fuck yourself square chin!"

"Kevin showed up at my house earlier too. Nazz scared him away but he blames us for his house burning down. It wasn't us.."

"Of course it wasn't the fuck us! We didn't do anything!"

Ed plopped off the couch and looked at Double-D.

"You swore Double-D! You're turning into Eddy!"

Eddy snickered.

"Looks I'm rubbing off on you. You're gaining my charm and maybe I should start telling you how to get good looking..like me..."

"Goddamn it dorks! I'm coming through the window!"

"You're not coming through my goddamn window bitch! Get lost!"

"As much as I detest calling for assistance, I think its time we call the cops"

"Get a restraining order! Just like in the movie _Carkil_, where the lady gets a restraining order from horny brain lacking zombies... But they still rape her lifeless corpse..."

"....That sounds pornographic."

Eddy decided to call in the cops. One restraining order later Kevin was being driven away in a cop car.

"I'll get you dorks! No matter what it takes.... You will fucking pay!"

Edd looked at the cop car driving away.

"Kevin... He's not himself. Why is he acting like..."

"Fuck if I know. Okay now, who's left in this cul de sac?"

"Just Rolf Jonny Sarah Nazz and the Kankers."

"Where's faggothead?"

"Jimmy? You remember that cop car at his house a few weeks ago? That was child protection services. They took him away."

"Good riddance. Now can we move on with the packing? We wasted several chapters bullshitting."

"Uh yes Eddy, Let's break the boundaries of fanfiction and also tell our fans that for the last time, WE ARE NOT GAY! QUIT PUTTING US IN SLASH FANFICTION FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I DETEST THAT KIND OF BULLSHIT!"

"Jip garoo!"

"Geeze, Double-D, I didn't know you had that anger in you... So um, well how much do we need to pack?"

"Just a few essentials, clothes, soap... Not a lot, the ship is not that big that is being built for us."

The Eds started at Ed's house packing. He was the hardest since they had to clean all his clothes. At least by the end of it, his room as the cleanest it ever was.

Edd and Eddy quickly packed. Eddy however wanted to take his entire closet. (And all those magazines...)

By the end of the afternoon, they were in the junkyard, standing there and waiting.

...Then a ship sucked them up.

###

Yeah, It kinda feels like you're hanging when reading this, wondering what they were told and all, but you'll find out in a flashback later. Don't worry.


	4. The Journey to the Final FrontED

_AN__: __Yes__, __I__'__m__ aware__ that__ this__ chapter__ took __about __two__ years __before__ I __posted__ it__. __It__'__s __been __done __for __quite __some__time__, __I __have __just __been __too __lazy __to__ bother __uploading __it__._

_After seeing more slash fanfiction lately, I kinda decided I should get off my ass and update this finally. _

_Please review if you have any suggestions for me. This is my first actual published fanfic. And if you see any issues with spacing, let me know too. For some reason every time I uploaded this, it removed the spaces from every word I typed._

* * *

So, our journey now takes our three teens aboard an alien ship. The three of them woke up in a large dark room.

"Where the hell are we?"

Eddy walked into a wall while saying this.

A small light turned on above them, like a spotlight.

Edd looked at Eddy who was getting off the floor after falling down.

"I believe we are in the Grey's cargo bay. They're taking us to our ship."

Eddy moaned.

"I'm still can't believe I can't remember this shit."

Ed looked at the other two Eds.

"I forgot this room. Tell us Double-D the story to Eddy now."

"Yeah, tell me. What the fuck is going on?"

Double-D sighed and sat down on a nearby crate.

"Lights on, please."

The room became fully lit. It was a galley like room with a bar and a couch in it. A window nearby showed stars flying by the ship at an insane pace.

"Hmm... This must be their galley lounge room..." he said out loud.

Double-D sat in the couch and another chair appeared. The other two Eds found a place to sat and sat down. Eddy sat down next to Double-D and gave him an intimidating look.

Edd gave another sigh again.

"Can you explain why I can't remember anything?" Eddy asked.

"You told them that you wanted a fresh mind before you made a final decision. They took that comment literally and erased both you and Ed's minds. However it seems that Ed's mind was somewhat resistant to the mind erasing."

Eddy turned to Ed.

"Hey lumpy, how much do you remember?"

Ed paused and thought for a bit.

"All of it. Double-D told us not to say anything, so I didn't. Not even to baby sister."

Eddy sighed.

"Figures shit like that would happen."

"Anyways...this began with..." Edd said.

_**...**__**Flashback**__**:**_

_ An alien spacecraft landed in the junkyard._  
_Out of fear, the three of them are frozen in place, scared shitless. A hatch on the ship opens revealing three figures. One looks like a person, shadow wise. The other has some tentacles, and the last figure looks like a combination of the two._  
_As the figures come walking towards them, Double D takes off his hat and waves at the three of them. Ed and Eddy are just stand there stiff as boards. They don't know which to look at, Double-D's hatless head or the three aliens walking down the ramp. As the brightness from the light fades, the alien with tentacles walks by Double-D and then like he knows him, slaps him on the back._

_"Eddward, how's it been?"_  
_Eddy looked at these aliens._  
_"Holy fuck! That looks like Kevin, Nazz and Sarah!"_  
_"Oh no!" Ed yelled. "They're alien counterparts of our dear friends here to suck our brains!_  
_"No, Ed, Kevin is not our friend. That douche just tried to kill us earlier."_

_The three aliens walked down a platform taking them off the ship and looked at the three Eds, who were all standing in fear... With the exception of Double-D who seemed a bit angry._

_"You. You assholes! Why are you back? Are you going to experiment on me again? What's next, increase my penis size?"_  
_"Nope. Something better. How have you been anyways?"_  
_He smiled. "I have been just great."_  
_He points to Ed and Eddy._  
_"These are my two friends, Ed and Eddy. What exactly brings you back around Earth?"_  
_"Hello Ed and Eddy, and, well..." the alien grey skinned alien that looked like Kevin said. "We completed our survey of your species and culture and came up with our conclusion."_  
_The mixed alien that looked like Sarah turned to Double-D._  
_"One more thing, Eddward, why are you angry at us? We granted your dream true of having superior intelligence, what's wrong with that?"_  
_"You damaged the skin on my head and deformed my skull! I have to wear this sock hat to avoid being humiliated by the kids my age. ..."_

_He paused._

_"I wish it was normal."_  
_The blonde haired alien looked at Edd's head and ran one of her 8 tentacles through his hair. Edd started feeling a bit relaxed, almost like she set a spell on him._  
_"I believe we have the ability to fix that for you now. But we came to offer you and your two friends a chance in a lifetime."_  
_"And... what would that be?"_

_"We couldn't help overhearing that you guys want to travel to space. We were also kinda curious too how a human would be able to handle interacting with alien cultures... Mainly because we think now after studying your species a bit that it is now time that we make official contact with your race and introduce them to the rest of the galaxy"_  
_The male alien then interrupted the blonde Nazz like alien with tentacles._  
_"That and we are sick of blocking your study equipment with bogus information. We believe that your species' deep space satelite will find a freighter here in a few months... So now is the time to decide. Are you guys up to it?"_

_Ed, after listening to this, began, oddly enough to think._  
_"No more Sarah? No more pain? Yes! I will live my dream!"_  
_"We will accept! It's my dream come true! Being a space outlaw!" Ed said._

_Eddy got a little angry at this._

_"Hell no! There's no profit in it!"_  
_"Why? You can make a profit. There is lot of money in freight transport. However, the money will be useless until after first contact."_  
_"You can always invest it and double the earnings so in five years when humans start to leave you can be rich..."_  
_"Five years? I'm in!"_  
_Double-D looked like he was about to make a sarcastic remark._  
_"Boy Eddy, you sure give in easily when you hear the word cash..."_  
_The aliens in a chorus began to say the same thing at the same time oddly enough._  
_"Well come inside before one of your spy satellites detects us"_

_The Eds entered the ship and the hatch closed. It flew away._

_###_  
_The aliens and the Eds are sitting at a table._  
_"Your people have great potential. Which is why we want to do this experiment with you guys"_  
_"But why as an experiment?"_  
_"We want to take a few humans and let them out into the wilderness and urbanity of the galaxy and see how people react to them."_  
_"Seeing the reports about you and your friends, we kinda decided on using you three. All initial and medial expenses paid. Think of it as a repayment for burning your head on that mind reader. We learned our lesson with that."_  
_Eddy looked more clueless._  
_"Uh I think I really need a fresh mind to think this over. This is a lotta shit to think about."_  
_"Eddy, don't swear. I wouldn't mind. I would love to be one of the first humans to travel interstellar space ."_  
_"So, it settles it. We will take you to a place that builds and sells ships. They're custommade though, so you guys gotta think on what you want." _  
_"Look in Monobrow's head there. He has the most ideas."_  
_the six of them walked up the ramp then into the space craft and it took off. Meanwhile, a figure stood on a pile of trash looking down at what just happened._  
_###_  
_As the ship traveled to some space station, the Eds were sitting in a control room. Ed was strapped to a chair in the middle._  
_"Oh boy! This is just like in the movie 'Abductions of Joah on the Planet Zeeke'! Exactly like the scene where Joah gets his mind probed by policemen for a crime he didn't commit!"_  
_"Well Ed seems excited." Eddy said with a bit of a tone of sarcasm."_  
_"Your friend had it much worse. Okay Ed, this is gonna be a pit painful when this machine turns on."_  
_The alien pushed a button and a loud hum started going on in the entire room._  
_Ed was laughing the entire time._  
_"ah ha ha ha ha! This tickles!" He laughed some more._  
_On a nearby screen, various schematics for spaceships that came from various B movies appeared. The schematics kept appearing faster and faster as smoke began to bellow from the thing attached to his head. After about a minute of smoke, the thing exploded._  
_"Holy barknots! He overloaded the reader! This guys mind is filled with a lot of garbage!"_  
_"Same goes with his coat."_  
_Ed pulled a bottle of gravy from his coat and chugged it in one gulp. The alien looked repulsed._  
_"Are all humans like this?" One of the aliens asked._  
_"Nope, he is just Ed."_  
_A hammer and a wrench later and the machine was fixed again. The aliens studied some of the schematics._  
_"The people who make these movies must be geniuses! Warp drive, the bending of time and space? Hyperregenerative power generators? Flux capacitors? HyperactiveMegaDrive?" The alien scribbled a lot of these designs on paper. _  
_"Koay Humans, the design is ready."_  
_the alien shoved a tablet in Double-D's face._  
_"Hmm... It's magnificent! Thank you Ed."_  
_"No problem buckaroo." He said while eating a gravy cupcake. Two of the aliens cringed at this sight._  
_"Let me try one of those" the remaining alien said. Ed handed it to him and he ate it._  
_"Wonderful. It reminds me of the clam feces on Riso."_  
_The rest of them, Edd and Eddy included began puking on the floor while the alien and Ed ate gravy cupcakes. _

_**-**__**End Flashback**__**-**_

"So.." Eddy said. "Then what?"

"Well that was about it. We went to a planetary market and had schematics used to construct a real ship. I'm so amazed that they were really practical."

Eddy turned to Ed who was sitting upside down in the chair.

"Well you're good for something."

"We agreed that Ed was the pilot, you're the captain, and I do the research required for the greys by keeping a journal. They also embedded chips in our left hands to help us with monitoring... Its a small price to pay to be the first humans in space. "

Eddy got up and looked out the window.

"So where are we going?"

"The ship. It is a day trip at this rate we are going. I think we should rest."

Double-d looked at a watch that came out of nowhere.

"According to my watch. Its 10PM. I took forever to talk. We should go to sleep."

The Eds found spots in the room to fall asleep and did.

###

Double-D woke up a couple hours later by the aroma of food. The red haired alien was at the counter across the room preparing something. She saw Edd.

"Did I wake you up?"

Edd walked down and a stool came out of the counter to sit down. He sat.

"No, I naturally wake up early. What is that?"

"It is..."

A non-understandable sound came from the alien's mouth.

"..a common lunch food for my people. You have to understand, our days are 3 of your days long. So it's our lunch now."

"Um how many times do you eat a day?" Edd asked

"We have 11 meals a day, two of those are large meals while the others are small appetisers. We are having Megalunch is in 6 of your hours. We still have a while until we reach the shipyard still... So you can eat with us."

"Megalunch?"

The alien walked over to Edd and picked up his left hand.

"The chip we implanted into your hand translates alien words and converts them to the language you think in... However the chip is not really accurate still... It'll take words with the closest meaning to whatever someone says and give you that. The only other problem is words that it can't translate, it'll just give you them in the native language. The meal I am preparing is one example. It is a dish only native to our home planet."

Edd stared at his hand.

"Fascinating..."

Eddy fell off the chair and woke up as he fell to the ground. He looked up and saw something cooking.

"What's cooking?"

The alien looked at eddy and squawked the word that Eddy could not understand."

Edd looked at Eddy.

"Our chips in our hand also translate alien languages. Apparently the dictionary could not find a word to translate that to. We can also speak in other languages... However, we never will notice this really."

"I wish I had this in French class..."

"I concur Eddy."

"Eddward, come with me. We are going to fix our mistake with your skull and epidermal."

Edd had a nice smile on his face.

"Yes! Hurray!" Double-D seemed very excited about this.

The alien and Edd walked out. Eddy walked over to a screen that resembled a TV and pressed the large button. It turned on exactly like a TV... Basically because it was an alien TV. On the screen was what seemed to be an alien soap opera.

"Oh Miaoshi, I love you so much... We should not part ways until we conduct the zeebleox."

Eddy looked at the TV.

"...What the fuck is a zeebleox?"

The alien eating lunch ran to the TV.

"Eddy! You're watching Snorek and Mioshi? I love this show!"

The alien jumped on the couch butt first, landing on Ed.

It partially woke him up.

"oof!"

The alien looked at ed.

"Sorry, Singlebrow."

"Singlebrow? Ahahha!" Eddy laughed

"Hey redheaded alien, what is a zeebleox?"

The redheaded grey skinned alien laughed in a odd manner, like a hyena.

"It's that species mating ritual. They suck on each others shoulders and the saliva from the male meets with the egg in the females stomach. In a few days, she will throw up the fertilized egg and then watch it until it hatches."

Eddy's face turned purple and he ran off to what looked like a bathroom to puke.

Ed, still sitting under the alien looked amazed.

"It just is like every comic alien I know is true! Is there a planet Fezon with bacon men?"

"Yes Ed, but they are warlike, however, nearly extinct because their children taste wonderful."

"Cool."

###

Sometime later...

The two remaining eds were still sitting in front of the TV eating something that looked like a pizza.

"Oh man." Eddy said. "This shits better than human TV. Its way more entertaining."

The red headed alien walked back into the room.

"Are you guys still watching that thing?

"Yes.." both Eds said in unison.

"Well Eddward has had his procedure finished. He will be out in a few minutes."

Eddy got up.

"Say, what is on this ship for entertainment?"

The alien smiled.

"What you have been in front of. We are a species of curiosity. We have fun learning about cultures so we spend our time doing that."

"Boring."

The alien laughed.

"Our species also loves to see your mating rituals... Because it is like all the other ones in the universe mostly."

Eddy snickered.

Anyways... We are almost there. You guys adjusted to our days just fine.

The alien started to walk out the room and paused.

"Oh, by the way, we had to erase the memories of two of your neighbours because they found out about us. Just a warning."

The alien then walked out.

"Like we care." said Eddy.

Double-D walked into the room, sans hat. He had a smile on his face.

"So what have you two been doing?"

"Watching TV."

"Why have you guys been watching TV all day?"

"It's actually been a week. You were in the recover tube all this time."

"But still... TV?"

Ed perked up.

"We have been watching TV to learn about alien cultures!"

"Uh, yeah, what Ed said."

"Have you guys though about what the kids in the cul de sac are thinking now?"

"Yeah once Double-D. I don't think they miss us."

###

In the culdesac...

Jimmy wakes up and gets out of bed.

"Hurray! Another day without the Eds!"

Jimmy gets dressed and runs outside.

The kids are having a party... All of them are having fun. But Kevin is missing.

At his house he is on the floor on his knees. A figure is standing over him.

"I have rebuilt your house and restored everything... However still, if you want to live, you must terminate the Eds."

"Dude why? What did they do?"

"They haven't done it yet."

The figure points at Kevin and Kevin instantly catches fire.

"Ahhhhhh!"

"SLAVE! You will do as I say!"

"Where... Where are they?"

"They are in space."

"No way"

"You will find them at Market-Station 21. Terminate them."

"How the fuck do I..."

"There is a ship in the woods. Take it. This parasite will help you become one of mine..."

The figure knocks Kevin over and shoves a snake like creature up his nose.

Kevin begins to scream, almost like a little girl.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Bawah bawhah bawhah... Soon, the galaxy will be mine!"

_Who __is __this __person__? __Why __is __Kevin __a __slave__? __Find __out __next__ time __on__  
__**Eds **__**in **__**Space**__**!**_


	5. The First TradEDs in the Universe

The Eds were finally completing their adventure to see their ship. Edd propped himself up off the chair he was sitting on and looked out the window to the slowing stars traveling by.

"Well here we are guys. Look out the window."

The three Eds had a nice voyage from Earth. It was mainly boring, being confined to the galley for what seemed like forever. Now, they were approaching some large marketplace like area that was floating in space. One thing was that they were given a device that had pretty much every piece of media on our culture in it. It was to be installed in the ship they were getting.

Ed and Eddy just stared out the window. Edd was somewhat focused on the small device given to him. As they were abducted over a week ago, Edd remembered this place, as this is where they went when they ordered the ship to be built. The aliens who abducted them, known as Zephroites paid for the construction of the ship. Apparently this was a part of their huge experiment or something according to what they told them.

As they landed on a landing pad, they grabbed their things and began to walk across this market place to a shipyard. Or they were going to walk until Ed found...

"Hey guys, I found a hovercraft! It says free use!"

Oddly enough the language written on the sign was English Braille. Double-D found it odd, but they decided to use it anyways.

As they traveled through the marketplace, several strange looking creatures looked at them oddly. One tried to sell the Eds a slave, and Eddy almost bought her, but realized he couldn't because they didn't have any money.

As they finally reached the shipyard, they noticed a ship that stood out from the rest. Ed immediately knew that it looks familiar.

"That look like the ship the fearless space outlaws from the movie robot rebel ranch used!"

"Yes, Ed, you're right. Remember, they used your brain as the ideas for the ship."

Ed got up in Edd and Eddy's faces.

"Way cool! Can I fly it? Can I?"

Eddy looked at Edd.

"Um Eddy, it is computer controlled. It wouldn't hurt to have him fly it."

Eddy sighed.

"Okay, Ed, don't crash the fucking thing or I'll crash the ship up your ass!"

"I won't Eddy. I promise!"

As they reached the airlock, a blue man with tentacles came running to them.

"So you guys are back I presume? Is it Ed, Edd, and Eddy if I recall?"

"Yeah. That's us." Eddy replied.

"So which of you guys is Ed?"

"Ooh! Me! And you look like the guy from the anime _Tentacle Rape Net_, the third episode."

"Tentacle Rape Net?"

"It's Hentai."

"Ignore him Rolvert." Edd replied. "He can't help himself."

"Oh, okay Eddward, so you guys ready for a test flight I guess? I never made a ship with a design like yours. Warp drive, hyperdrive, photon torpedoes, some of the stuff looks like our technology, but when it came to testing and building it, a lot of it turned out to be more advanced. I wonder why your people aren't out in space."

"Um, because they like to spend their time fighting each other."

"Oh, I understand. I guess your species is fairly violent."

Eddy remembered how many times Kevin and the other kids beat them up.

"Yeah sometimes, I would love to beat the shit out of people back on earth like Kevin"

"Eddy watch your language around others."

"Shit? Kevin?"

"Shit is a slang term for feces and Kevin is a name of our next door neighbour."

"Hmm. Shit. Sounds like a good word."

Edd sighed.

The blue guy, who Edd named Rolvert, had an accent similar to that of Rolf's. He lead them onto their ship.

Right off the bat they were in a cockpit area. Even though the ship seemed large outside, it wasn't as big as a couple of school buses stacked on top and side by side. The inside seemed smaller. The cockpit area reminded Ed of a ship in star trek. You got your food from a food synthesizer, and the chairs and couches were all made of leather. A bluish leather, but still leather. There was 3 computer terminals in the room near the pilots and copilots seat, 2 on one side and one on the other. Next to the other was a small closet that held 6 space suits. 3 were white and the other 3 resembled their clothes they were wearing. Rolvert handed them three skintight suits, with holes in certain places.

"I'd recommend that you guys wear these under your clothes. It will make you adjust to temperature changes easier."

Eddy just looked at them dumbfoundedly.

As the blue guy sat down in the copilots seat, Ed jumped into the other.

"I assume you are the pilot that's going to be flying this?"

"Gravy!"

"Okay then. This is to plug in what system you are going to. This red button takes you to Earth, where ever that is, we couldn't figure out, this green button brings you back here for repairs and shit."

"Oh god." Double-D didn't seem to like the use of profanity.

"Shit shit shit cunt fuck ass cilt!" Eddy yelled.

"You forgot pussy eddy! Ed said.

"Oh yeah I did. I want to fuck Nazz's pussy!"

Edd sighed and sat down at the lone computer terminal and took the gadget that was given to him out of his pocket. The alien turned to him.

"Oh that's a library module. Take off the panel next to you and just shove it into that empty socket. I think that is what we needed to finish the ship on."

As Edd placed the gadget into its proper place, several more lights came on and the ship came to life.

"Oh well you guys know what you're doing I assume." Your load will be finished by night time and you can take off whenever.

The alien walked off the ship through the docking clamp on the side.

"Ed?" said Eddy.

"Yes Eddy?"

"What was the name of that movie you compared that alien to?"

"_Tentacle Rape Net_. A classic."

"You wouldn't happen to have a copy of it in your stuff would you?"

"Oh I got it right here."

Ed produced a DVD out of his coat.

Edd turned around.

"Good lord Eddy! You're going to watch hentai?"

Ed looked puzzled.

"Hentai?"

"Cartoon pornography Ed! Animated sex!"

Eddy snickered and ran off to one of the bedrooms which was somewhat similar to his one on earth.

"Oh, Double-D. That's just the name. There's no sex."

"Oh okay Ed..." Double-D sighed. "This is going to be a long trip."

A loud scream could be heard from one of the back rooms.

**"What the fuck is this shit? This isn't porn! It's some stupid Japanese monster movie!"**

Double-D sat down in front of a computer screen.

"Yep, a long one indeed."

* * *

The Eds left the Market Station for some destination called Zeta-Feta-Chi 7.

"So... Our first mission. Piece of cake."

Eddy flopped down into one of the leather seats that sat in the cockpit.

"Goddamn this is boring! I wish I could scam someone."

"Well this was our dream. And you gave up scamming long before we started this."

Double-D looked over at Eddy from his computer screen.

"Plus there's a lot of stuff on the computer to do, plus we can eat any time with the food machine."

"Like what, mister know it all?

"Well most of our literature, television and movies all on these computers."

Ed turned around from his seat excited.

"Oh and comics?"

"Shut your bunghole, Ed. You got a ship to pilot!"

Eddy slapped a button on the computer console behind him and a tablet pc came out of a slot under the main screen on it.

"Sweet."

Eddy started going through the catalog to find some "magazines"

Double d looked at the screen astonished.

"Fasinating."

As he tapped something on the keypads, a headset appeared on it.

Ed noticed that and started bobbing up and down.

"Ooh ooh, that looks like the virtual reality headsets that gamers use."

Edd looked at ed.

"Somewhat, Ed, but this device is a learner from what I read. It teaches you everything."

As Edd placed it on the head, he turned limp, but still breathing.

Ignoring Double-D slumped down on the chair now, he turned to Ed.

"Hey Ed, look at this."

Eddy tossed him the tablet of some satelite image of Peach Creek.

"It's Nazz, Eddy."

"Yeah, naked! Ahahahahaaha! Let's see if we can find blackmail for Kevin or those Kankers."

Eddy started frantically searching records for "Kanker."

* * *

After a while, the Eds finally reached their destination and came across a Jupiter like planet.

Ed looked at Eddy.

"The computer just told me that we've arrived at 'Zeta-Feta-Chi 7'."

"Feta chi? Sounds like a disease."

"Hmm... Now what was I supposed to do again? Oh yeah. Ask them if we could dock. Hey Eddy, push that blue button next to Double-D."

Double-D had been now sitting there slumped in the chair for about two days now. Eddy just shoved him aside and pressed the button. Edd fell off the chair and the wires tore out of the headset.

"Oow, my head."

Double-D dizzily got up and walked around drunkenly until he hit a wall and the headset shattered. Cleaning bots came out of the wall and started picking up the pieces.

Ed spoke at the console.

"This is P46-10922 aka ESS _Mutant Cyclops_ requesting docking permission at trade center."

Eddy seemed a bit amused at how proper Ed had been acting lately.

"Boy ed, you're a natural."

"_Mutant Cyclops_ you're granted permission. Are you guys new?"

"Yes, my name is Ed."

"Okay. We will have a guide arrive at your dock to give you a tour. Have fun here Ed."

"Buttered toast!

Eddy snickered at this comment Ed made.

"And a buttered toast to you too." the alien replied.

Edd climbed up into his chair.

"Does that mean I've been hooked up to that machine for two days?"

"Yep Double-D. Mister thirst for knowledge."

"Oh, I have a headache."

"Eat something then. You haven't eaten for two days, and take an aspirin or something."

Edd walked up to the food machine and punched in surprise meal on the pad. A pot roast appeared with buttered toast and gravy.

"Ed, did you hack the machine?"

"No," Eddy replied. " but he drank gravy nonstop for 3 hours. I had to make it stop making gravy."

Edd sighed and sat down to eat his meal.

The ship began to dock at its designated position and a long tube connected with its cargo hold. The three Eds took the stairs to the cargo bay.

Eddy's jaw dropped as they walked in.

"This is all toilet paper! What the fuck!"

"Sure is Eddy, two hundred thousand tons."

"Two hundred thousand tons of toilet paper? Who in their right mind needs this much fucking toilet paper?"

"Eddy, I assume that..."

Ed interrupted Double-D's lecture.

"Well, only in certain sections of the galaxy do they only make toilet paper."

Eddy walked up to the exit panel on the cargo bay.

"Are you guys ready?"

"Sure am captain Eddy."

"Captain Eddy? You made yourself captain when I was intoxicated? "

"Well I have the leadership skills."

"Whatever." Double-D sighed.

Eddy pressed the open button on the hatch. The air that came in felt colder, and a girl about Ed's height stood on the other side.

"Buttered toast, and welcome to feta chi..."

The girl's eyes enlarged.

"...Oh my god. Are you guys human?"


End file.
